Sex, sex, and more sex. Now that we got that out of the way, let's have a real conversation. We live in a society where sex is everywhere right? Remember the freaky Hardees commercial that had some men ready to eat a burger a day? Like what the hell is sexy about a burger? Even the M&M candy commercials have started to have some sexual innuendos. But it is the world we live in.
If it is so common, which it is, then why are people, married people, in particular, shying away from talking about it? Especially in the proper setting. Better yet why are some married people shying away from having sex.
Recently I spoke at an event and when I mentioned scheduling sex the ladies dam near shut down like I called their mothers the B word. I was shocked because I was at a mommy and me event which meant everyone had had sex before. Then I thought well maybe they don't want to schedule it because that makes it seem too impersonal. Nope, they didn't want to talk about it because they were not doing it.
Then if you watch reality TV (and we all know I do) Kirk, in defense of his recent cheating scandal, was talking about how his wife, Rasheeda has not been having sex with him. Let me feel you in... Kirk and Rasheeda are married and have been for years. Now there is a possibility he has fathered a child with another woman. While having some man to man talk he kept saying that Rasheeda was not giving it up and she was rolling over on him when he touched her. Let me note Rasheeda is like many of us, a BAWSE. She has children, a couple businesses, and I am not sure if she is still rapping or not. So she is busy. Which was also part of his argument. I am not making excuses for her simply giving you a full picture.
On top of all this, I recently overheard a conversation where a woman proudly discussed not being sexual, giving her man oral sex, and exclaiming that he married her for reasons other than sex. Sis, really? We all get married for reasons other than sex but I think it is naive to think sex has nothing to do with it. This is not the traditional days where we are marrying for a dowry, or to expand territories.
Aside from the great pleasure, and instant feeling of calm sex is very important in a marriage. Consider this...
Sex is the one thing you share with your mate that you don't share with anyone else. The world gets your smile, your job gets your strong work ethic, your kids get your love. You give it all to everybody...except the sex. You save that for bae right? So why be stingy with it? Sex is what keeps the two of you from falling into roommate syndrome.
It is an intimate conversation with body parts that creates immense trust. The ability to truly be free and unapologetically say I like it like this, touch me there is so freeing. More than that you are trusting that your partner will comply without judgment. That type of trust builds real intimacy.
The lack of sex, when both parties are healthy, breeds and atmosphere of distrust. It does not matter how liberal, trusting and free you are in your relationship, go too long without sex and you will start to wonder who has been hooking your boo up. It is just that simple.
I understand, maybe sex is something so intimate to you that talking about it seems ridiculous. Or maybe you are having lots of great sex and you don't feel the need to talk about it. The tea is everyone else IS talking about it So whether you talk about it or not make sure yo are doing it. I get it, maybe you are not as liberal and as free as I am but sex in your home is a MUST. Need some pointers, tips, and just a way to take sex off the to-do list and into the bedroom? Join my 15-day sex challenge HERE. I dare you!!!!