The Side Chick: Who is to Blame for the Big Bad Wolf

 

Side chick, the term that makes any married woman give major side eye. My married girl friends and I sort of view the side chick as a myth or urban legend. You know like big foot or the lock nest monster, or any other thing parents create to keep their children in line.

We laugh and say “you better clean up or the side chick will”, or “the side chick loves to wear heels and her feet never hurt”. It’s a way to stay motivated to tackle the never ending list that is being a wife. We are joking and it is all fun and games, but the side chick is real and she is ready to take you man.

When your parents said there is nothing new under the sun they were right. The side chick, while gaining more popularity and acceptance is nothing new. Remember Shirley had to call Barbra about her man (the song is called Woman to Woman… ask Madam Google it if you don’t know it). Barbra was the side chick and Shirley was calling to let her know it. The song Clean Up Woman sung by Betty Wright basically explains how she allowed another woman (the proverbial side chick) to move in on her man by not doing what she was supposed to do. If those songs are too old school for you Monica had a song called Sideline hoe.

As long as you have not had your head under a rock you know the phenomena of the side chick is gaining more and more attention, and it wouldn’t be me not have an opinion. My opinion is not popular among other wives but eh this is my space on the internet so here we go…

I DO NOT blame the other woman. Go ahead and clutch your pearls but keep reading. Should she respect your marriage yes, but is she obligated to, no. In reality she never said any vows, or promised to stay faithful so how is she to blame? I believe she is just a woman going after what she wants. You think your husband is attractive? Well so does she. I am NOT condoning her behavior I just do not blame her.

She is a woman who found herself in a terrible situation. She may not have known he was married or in a relationship, and for all we know he went after her. This all changes if she had a personal relationship with the wife. I define personal relationship as a friendship, she is on your call log, email, or text messages, she is someone you really know. Even then I don’t necessarily blame her. She more than likely had sketchy tendencies you ignored because she was your friend.

If she meets a man who pursues her and forgets (ha) to mention his wife who is at fault? She doesn’t even know there is a wife. This is where people say well as soon as she finds out she should end the relationship. Why should she? She may or may not be in love and her needs are being met. When you are doing something that feels good to you do you stop? Listen, I am not condoning cheating I am being realistic.

I know, not the traditional death to the side chick view but it is my view. I believe it is up to the two people in the marriage to at all cost protect their marriage. The person who stood with you and pledged their life and love to you is to blame if the side chick gets in. Women are so hard on other women we often forget it takes two to cheat and your husband was a willing participant. The side chick does not owe you anything, and your husband owes you everything. Besides why are we attacking another woman and not addressing the fact that it is our husband who cheated. He did this. For whatever reason so chek him not her.

Before you start saying Amen keep reading… Women, we have to make sure we are doing our part. You cannot not have sex with your husband for months and expect him to remain faithful (unless there are medical issues). You never send him to work with lunch and then you are mad when he Suzy offers him some leftovers. You never tell him you love him and he is doing a good job don’t get mad when Suzy notices how hard he works. Or you never say how handsome he is, but you are mad when Suzy tells him how nice he looks today. As a wife you have to make sure his needs are met. Figure out his love language and learn to be fluent in it.

If he cheats anyway (because after all it appears Jay Z cheated on Beyonce and she is… well… Beyonce) I would never blame the wife. I just acknowledge wives have a job to do and we should be doing it. We worked hard for the ring and some of us think the work is over when it has really just begun. You clock in for your employer every day you need to clock in for hubby every day as well.

Click here to learn more about my book that will help you keep the side chick away from your man. What are your thoughts on the side chick? I would love to hear from you.