boundaries and your marriage

What to Do When Your Family and Spouse Do NOT Get Along

Now we already know I am a believer of protecting your marriage, but what happens when your marriage needs to be protected from your family? When you decided to marry your spouse did you ask your parents or even siblings for permission? Did you see if they were compatible? I definitely did not and I am guessing you didn’t either. Hopefully you are one of the millions of people who have no issues with your spouse and family getting along but if you are not keep reading.

When your spouse and family do not get along it can literally keep you up at night and have you dreading family events like holidays and birthdays because you just never know what might happen. Then on the way home you have to listen to your spouse express concern over people you have known your whole life. Or you have to get an earful from your family about the person you love. It sucks to say the least.

The worst part is when either of them is right. You can’t verbally agree with your mom (or other nagging family member) that your husband should be doing more, and you can’t let your husband call your mom (or other family member) a psycho, who needs to mind her own dam business, even if they are both right. We often overlook the flaws of our family because we expect and accept their flaws. It is difficult for someone who has not been a part of the chaos forever to simply roll with the madness. It is also uncomfortable for your family because they are not head over in heels in love with your spouse. So what so you do? How do you manage the two? Well here are four tips to help you manage the crazy.

  1. Demand they RESPECT one another. They may never get a long and talk on the phone but they both have a very unique position in your life, and the other one has to respect it.
  2. Set boundaries. If mom (or other family member) cannot respect your spouse you can not continue to come around because it is creating chaos in your otherwise peaceful home. While in premarital counseling my pastor told us it was our job to protect our marriage and I believed him. You marriage is like a newborn baby fragile especially in the beginning you do not need others interfering with your baby. Just know once boundaries are set you have to stick with them.
  3. NEVER vent to them about one another. You will forgive your mom and go back to laughing and talking like BFF and your spouse will not. You will forgive your spouse and they will again be the best ever and your family will be giving major side eye remembering what he did last week. This is not a good look for any people involved.
  4. Give pep talks before interaction. Tell your mom you need the event to go off without any unnecessary drama, and you need her to trust you have your home handled. Tell your husband he is awesome and you love him to the moon so it does not matter what your family says because you said yes to him.

Listen, it is very hard to manage both but it can be done and some feelings may be hurt initially but you will find a groove. Remember you chose your spouse, you said yes to him/her. You live with them and you need peace in your home so everyone else has to respectfully fall in line.

How do you deal with your spouse and your parents/family? Or are you lucky and everyone gets along?


Protecting Your Marriage

I think we often just assume people know we are married and they should respect it. I agree but how often does this really happen? How many times has a man looked at your ring and still asked if you could have “friends”. Or my favorite “is you happy”? When did it become ok to hop skip and jump all in a married persons DM’s, inbox, or text messages?

It never is ok but it seems to be happening more and more. I blame the people in the marriage. Now before you get mad and click off my site let me explain. No one is responsible for your marriage except the two people in it. It was the two people in the marriage who made the vow to be in the marriage and honor it. We are unable to control others but we can control how we react to them, and the general vibe we put out there in the world.

Here are some ways to help you protect your marriage:

  • Defend your spouse even when they are wrong in public- Now when you two get in the car tell them they are wrong to prevent the same thing from happening, but you should always look like a united front to the world.
  • Set boundaries.- We live in a world where everyone has soooo much access to one another, hello social media. When we post pictures, tweets, and status updates people believe they know us. If someone crosses a line let them no and if they continue to do it cut them off. It is that easy. Know should ever think if they called you they could have you. This includes setting boundaries with your family!
  • Keep certain things only between you two. Everyone does not need to know all the intimate workings of your marriage. I understand we all have that one married friend we vent to when needed but even she should not know everything.
  • Be honest and upfront with your spouse about everything.- You never want your spouse to be the second person to hear the news. No one should ever be able to tell your spouse something about you they don’t already know.

There are so many other ways to protect your marriage but this post could get too long. How are some ways you protect your marriage?