Finance and Romance- 5 Budget Friendly Date Ideas
Money. When you see this word what do you immediately think about? Does your mind go to the lack thereof or are you blessed and you think about the surplus you have? I am willing to bet majority of people think about what they are missing. The unfortunate reality is folks are really living check to check. However what is even sadder is we never think about what we really have. For those of us blessed enough to be in a marriage we are super rich even if it is not financially.
We are blessed to have someone in the fight with us. Even if we are living under a bridge as a married couple you are not in the cold alone. Of course I do not want you living under a bridge I am simply getting my point across. You are not alone so you are not poor. Come one we have all seen the sappy movie where the rich person is grumpy because he or she does not have friends. Or they say something like all the money and fame in the world means nothing without the one you love. It is true. Think about when you have a bad day at work then you see your spouse and they give you a hug, pat on the but, handshake, or whatever you two do. Suddenly things are not as bad right?
So how did you answer the money question did you think about what you did not have or is money not a big issue for you? Now think about how you let money affect your marriage. Don’t be ashamed I have been there too, Money was tight and so was I (all pun intended). I had a nasty attitude, and honestly looking back I am not sure how my husband put up with me. I did not mean to have an attitude I was stressed.
If I am being honest I was pissed. Pissed because there was a struggle and we both worked full time jobs. Which if you are reading is not my husband’s fault but like most people we hurt the ones closest to us when we are hurt. This, however, is a rant for a different post. Anyway I was allowing our finances to affect our romances and this is a HUGE mistake. Remember the vow says richer or poorer.
Think about when you argue with your husband about the sock he left on the bathroom floor. Are you really mad about the sock or are you mad about the pending light bill because you do not see the money in the checking account. Money can put so much stress on a marriage. It can be hard to keep the romance alive.
Speaking of romance remember when it was fresh and new? Remember when you got butterflies in your stomach, obsessed over what you would wear? The romance was alive and well during this time. Neither of you thought about the money you spent on your courtship. When money is flowing and bills are paid it is so easy to say I love you. It is even easier to take some of that money and go somewhere nice. Or what about when the money is flowing and we say money's not everything. Which is true but please be honest with yourself money is a tool. A mandatory tool we use daily to meet our needs.
If we are not careful we can allow the lack of money and other things to overshadow what we actually do have. We get so caught up on what is missing we never see what is there. Then we let this same mentality creep into our marriage. We start looking at the struggle as if it is our spouses fault. We will assume for the sake of this post it is not their fault and situations just aligned and created the perfect financial storm. This is not the time to throw stones, call names, and pull apart. It is actually the time to pull closer. It may seem hard but it is in this moment you need to start dating again.
I know what you are thinking. We just talked about financial hardship and you want me to date. Well the answer is yes. Just because you may be on financial hard times does not mean your romance should be on hard times. Despite whatever your bank account says it is imperative to keep the romance alive. Ensuring your romantic life is doing well can often help you take your mind of the finances. What I am not saying is blow all your money on one dinner. I am saying consider some budget friendly options like the following:
Indoor Picnic- this is my favorite!!! So you already have groceries in your house whip up something good and lay it all out for him on the floor with a blanket. Now if you have children wait until they go to sleep. If you have some extra money splurge on a cheap bottle of wine. Once you pour it in the glass it all taste the same, and he will appreciate the thought.
I am not a complete fan of the term but Netflix and Chill.- Too make it fun, watch something you have never seen before, and even if you have on comfy pajamas, do NOT I repeat do NOT have you hair tied up. This is a date remember no sleep scarves allowed. Also try to sit up. If you two lay down you may end up asleep. Now if you lay down and other things happen then I say it’s a winning situation.
Walk in the park. You and your honey can go out enjoy the weather, and really reconnect. You two can talk and laugh like you used to before life happened and things got so serious.
Ice cream dates are super cheap as well. You two can share a cup and instead of saying it is because of money use this time to sit close and feed one another and simply reconnect.
Free concert in the park. - Depending on where you live there may be some free events in the part you two can go on. Look in your local paper or online because who is still reading the paper, and find out what your city has to offer in the entertainment department.
Love Making Music
February is such a great not only is it Black History Month but it is the LOVE month!!! I’m so excited about love. I love love and this month makes it worse lol. I’m all about being in love, making love, songs about love. You get the point by now I’m sure. So that is what you can look forward to this month on the blog. All things love related.
Let me give you a disclaimer. I am a married adult. I have sex with my husband and while it will not read like a Zane novel it is February and ANYTHING goes.
So to kick off Love month I am going to give you a nice playlist. Use it at your own leisure. I separated them into old school and newer school. However if you are like me you love them all. These are some of my favorites. Enjoy!
Urban Mystic- Best Part of my day
Next- Splash
Faith- I love you
Wale- Bad
Miguel- Adorn
Beyonce- Rocket
D’Angelo- How does it Feel
Kelly Rowland- Motivation
Donnell Jones- I want to love you
Jesse Powell- You
Chris Brown- Rock you back to sleep
Johnny Gill- Behind Closed Doors
Prince- Adore
Earth Wind and Fire- Would you Mind
Tevin Campbell- Tell me what you want me to do- this could be old or not… I put it here
Con funk Shun- Love’s Train
Force MDs- Tender Love
O-Jays- Forever mine
Marvin Gaye- Sexual Healing
Marvin Gaye- Lets get it on
HeatWave- Always and Foever
Jodeci- Feenin
New Edition- Can you Stand the Rain
Keith Sweat- Make it Last Forever
Some honorable Mentions:
Envouge- Giving him something he can feel
R. Kelly
Dru Hill
Silk- I lived for this group and couldn’t narrow it to a song so…
Trey Songz
Hope you enjoy the list. It is early so start planning for Valentine's Day now!!!
Balancing Business and Family
Entrepreneurship among women is at an all time high. I personally think this is great and believe we as women possess all it takes to run the world. However before we go off and conquer the world we have to make sure home is taken care of.
You do not want to lose your marriage or place unneeded stress on your family as you work to build your empire. When I first started my business I was obsessed to say the least. I was constantly reading, researching, taking free classes (and some paid ones). I mean I wanted to know everything.
Constantly looking at my phone or locking myself in the home office was not healthy for my family. I have a husband, and 11 year old and a 1 year old who is attached to his mommy at the hip if I left him. So even when the Mr. wasn’t noticing my absence my little man was. Fortunately my big girl is self sufficient and into her own pre teen life.
It wasn’t until I heard the Mr. give a loud (maybe overly dramatic) sigh did I take a look up from my phone and see what was happening to my family. My little man was crying, my pre teen was not making good TV choices and the Mr. was at wits end. I knew then something had to change. I also knew I was not giving up the idea of owning my own business. I honestly believe in having it all I just know it takes work. So I implemented these practical strategies and hacks into my life, and we seem to be in a nice groove as a family and my business is flourishing as well.
Protect my time and create boundaries in my life. You have to learn your own limits and learn to say no.
Figure out exactly what it takes to run your type of business and plan out a process. For example I know I have to create content, so I set aside a specific day and time to do this.
Use my time at my day job very wisely. If there is down time I try to watch a webinar there, but only after my work is done because I need those coins to continue to fund my business.
Learn how to live with less sleep. In order to make sure my family gets what they need from me I have some late nights and early mornings.I do not have a nanny, chef, or maid so all those duties still have to get done no matter what. This means sometimes I wake up early and sometimes I go to bed late. My family is a priority to me and I make sure they know it. Sacrificing a little sleep to make sure ALL of our needs are met is ok with me.
Made my husband a priority. I also started to include him in my dreams, and share more of what I was learning with him.
How do you make time for it all?
What About Hubby?? 6 Ways to Make Time for Him
I used to always think I would have more energy than I actually did. I would set these unrealistic expectations for myself. I had grand plans for after work (WHY lol). I would make a pretty to do list for after work including cooking, cleaning, playing with the kids, working on my biz, cranking out a few blog posts, then talk to and have sex with my husband.
With all the love and support my husband gives me, not to mention dealing with me and my maybe high strung emotions he deserves to be at the top of the list. Even as I make this list hubby is last. Why? My mindset was off that’s why. I justified him being last to myself by saying things like “well i have to work”, “we can’t live in filth” “the kids need me he is grown.”
The reality was I ALWAYS tired. By the time both kids went to sleep I had NOTHING left. The times I did have anything left I poured it all into my business. Let me say that starting from the bottom is not as glamorous in real life as it is in a song. There are a lot of long nights. I started to notice my husband and I were falling into the friend zone. You know speaking in passing, sharing tasks, and cuddling for sleep only.
THIS IS NOT GOOD!!!!!!!!!!
Since I believe in confronting situations head on I asked my husband how he felt and he was so sweet. He admitted he felt a little neglected (I’m sure this was an understatement) but acknowledged what I was trying to do and understood why I was so preoccupied so he did not think it was ok to complain. How sweet. The issue is I never want my husband to feel this way so things had to change.
I absolutely believe it is a wife’s job to care for her husband, and honestly I was failing. I had to really dig deep and figure some things out and it all started with me. I was so tired because I wasn’t taking care of myself. I wasnt drinking water like, I was eating crap loaded with grease and extra cheese, and not working out. So there was some internal work that had to be done. However in the meantime I did this:
Brought my husband in on my dreams, asked for input explained what I was doing and why. I am so sure he is over my Regina obsession, and the countless workshops I have watched but once he understood why it was better. Also he felt more like a part of my dream and not like an outsider.
I started flirting with my husband. That all day leading up to the big bang event at night type of flirting. I am not above sending a sext message or a naughty picture to my husband and I encourage you to do the same!
We implemented mandatory date night every two weeks. Life happens and we can’t always get to a restaurant or movie, or event. So if date night has to be at home it still must happen. We have indoor picnics, movie nights, cocktails whatever at home but it is a date!
I started planning more so there was more time. I planned for things as much as possible in advance so I could create more time.
Hubby got my time before the business and sometimes before the kids. This created some late nights and early mornings but a happy husband is just like a happy wife.
I stopped putting him last. I know it is super tempting to wait until the children go to sleep, but I swear my baby boy rarely sleeps, and no matter how many times I clean the living room baby boy dumps all the toys all over again. So in the middle of the mess I cuddle with hubby and we watch our love bump, and answer our big girls questions about...EVERYTHING LOL
It is not easy to manage the many hats I wear but wife is a hat I chose and I plan to never take it off. Most days things do not go as planned. However everyday I accomplish at least 5 of the 5 MUST do things on my list, and one of them is to spend time with my husband. I hope you do the same!
How is it Already a New Year and Welcome
Happy New Year!!!! OMG it is 2016. Is it me or did we blink and 2015 was over!?!?! We are right in the beginning of the year when everyone is excited and believing in the possibilities that all their dreams will come true this year. Which I think is great, I even have some dreams of my own I am working on for the year.
I know I have some new people around the blog so let me formally introduce myself and help you navigate this space. I’m Toya, which I am sure you have gathered already. I have a growing relationship with God, 1 husband, 2 children, a Master’s in Counseling, and I love helping others. To learn more about me go here.
I created this space because I love all things love, marriage, growth, and balance. I think often we are beat with this idea of being a wife and mom and nothing more. While I love my family and I know exactly how blessed I am to have them. It is not enough for me. I was a whole person with dreams and goals before I ever became a mom or wife.
I honestly believe women can have it all. I know it wont be easy but it is so possible. So on this space I talk all things love, and marriage, and will be incorporating more post on how to balance it all. If you feel the same and need some help along the way visit this page and see if I may be able to help you in any way.
Things to look forward to this year:
I have been invited to be a guest trainer for the Phenomenal Leadership Course! It will be 20 days to becoming a leader that transforms, inspires, develops, and creates exceptional teams. I know what you are thinking “Im not the boss at work” it doesn’t matter we all lead in different ways. So go here and sign up while you still can. I will be giving a training on self care on January 16, 2016 more details and links for my training to come later.
Also I am branching out and becoming a contributing blogger on The Social Wives Club. This does not mean I will not be posting here it just gives you somewhere else to go to read more of my words, and insights.
I plan to release my labor of love this spring. I have been writing a book for almost a year now and I am finally ready to take the next steps. I have some other things I am working on, and I will share those later. I am sharing because I want to be held accountable. If I know just one person is looking forward to what I have going on I will be forced to make it happen. Besides, it is my blog why not make a shameless plug of my future ventures.
I hope you all will stay tuned for what I have in store, as you are gearing up for your own big thing in 2016. Be sure to subscribe to my newsletter all the extras that are not featured on the blog will be in the newsletter. If you need to contact me go here. I am on all things social @mrstoyacarter.
Blessings and Happy New Year.
Mrs. Toya Carter