I used to always think I would have more energy than I actually did. I would set these unrealistic expectations for myself. I had grand plans for after work (WHY lol). I would make a pretty to do list for after work including cooking, cleaning, playing with the kids, working on my biz, cranking out a few blog posts, then talk to and have sex with my husband.
With all the love and support my husband gives me, not to mention dealing with me and my maybe high strung emotions he deserves to be at the top of the list. Even as I make this list hubby is last. Why? My mindset was off that’s why. I justified him being last to myself by saying things like “well i have to work”, “we can’t live in filth” “the kids need me he is grown.”
The reality was I ALWAYS tired. By the time both kids went to sleep I had NOTHING left. The times I did have anything left I poured it all into my business. Let me say that starting from the bottom is not as glamorous in real life as it is in a song. There are a lot of long nights. I started to notice my husband and I were falling into the friend zone. You know speaking in passing, sharing tasks, and cuddling for sleep only.
THIS IS NOT GOOD!!!!!!!!!!
Since I believe in confronting situations head on I asked my husband how he felt and he was so sweet. He admitted he felt a little neglected (I’m sure this was an understatement) but acknowledged what I was trying to do and understood why I was so preoccupied so he did not think it was ok to complain. How sweet. The issue is I never want my husband to feel this way so things had to change.
I absolutely believe it is a wife’s job to care for her husband, and honestly I was failing. I had to really dig deep and figure some things out and it all started with me. I was so tired because I wasn’t taking care of myself. I wasnt drinking water like, I was eating crap loaded with grease and extra cheese, and not working out. So there was some internal work that had to be done. However in the meantime I did this:
Brought my husband in on my dreams, asked for input explained what I was doing and why. I am so sure he is over my Regina obsession, and the countless workshops I have watched but once he understood why it was better. Also he felt more like a part of my dream and not like an outsider.
I started flirting with my husband. That all day leading up to the big bang event at night type of flirting. I am not above sending a sext message or a naughty picture to my husband and I encourage you to do the same!
We implemented mandatory date night every two weeks. Life happens and we can’t always get to a restaurant or movie, or event. So if date night has to be at home it still must happen. We have indoor picnics, movie nights, cocktails whatever at home but it is a date!
Hubby got my time before the business and sometimes before the kids. This created some late nights and early mornings but a happy husband is just like a happy wife.
I stopped putting him last. I know it is super tempting to wait until the children go to sleep, but I swear my baby boy rarely sleeps, and no matter how many times I clean the living room baby boy dumps all the toys all over again. So in the middle of the mess I cuddle with hubby and we watch our love bump, and answer our big girls questions about...EVERYTHING LOL
It is not easy to manage the many hats I wear but wife is a hat I chose and I plan to never take it off. Most days things do not go as planned. However everyday I accomplish at least 5 of the 5 MUST do things on my list, and one of them is to spend time with my husband. I hope you do the same!