What I learned sitting on the Porch


Recently I was sitting on the balcony with my son (1 year old) just sitting and looking. He enjoys outside, me not so much so the balcony is our happy medium. Note I was more than happy to oblige if it meant no melt down. Then it started to rain. We live on the second floor so we were able to keep sitting and not get wet. Suddenly the wind started to blow and it was doing the lean rain. You know the side ways rain that an umbrella really would not help you with.

It was about this time he decided he wanted to get down and touch the rail. He got down from our gliding bench and went toward the rail wind blowing, trees rocking, rain and all. While it was only two maybe three baby steps, for him I am sure it was huge. But right before he went on his mission he looked back at me. He wanted to know if I approved or not.

In that moment I was reminded of myself and the women I help. The women who have dreams and just need someone to assure them they can do it. You know small gesture with a huge payoff. We are so busy looking back for reassurance or approval we often times miss out on our calling. Think back to when bills were NOT a thing and you had big dreams. Are you living out those dreams?

Then I started to wonder how many times have I wanted to do something, was sure it was a great move, but did not do it because when I looked back there was no approval. Have you done this? How many times did you think of applying to that graduate program, having another child, starting a business, even selling wraps or Mary Kay? Did you follow through on your first thought or were you like so many of us who glanced back for approval, and when it was not there we froze?

I know a lack of support is hard, but what have you allowed this perceived need for support to cost you? Where could you be if you had just followed your heart and not looked back for approval? Or kept going despite the lack of approval?  I am sure over the years this type of thinking has cost me several things. For the sake of examples, I will just tell you it almost cost me my marriage. Good thing I believe in self-development and abandoned this mindset just in time to make it down the aisle.

Sadly enough there were people who, based on societal definitions, should have been ecstatic for me when I decided to get married and they were not. I was looking back in the beginning of my engagement and the one face I did not see amongst the support started to make me question things. I will just tell you I am happily married and glad I stopped looking for a cheerleader and became my own.

Which is what I encourage you to do. If it is your vision go after it. It does not matter who does not believe, understand or support your vision. Think about it like this, it is YOUR vision so how would someone else even begin to understand it?

Instead of looking for supporters we have to learn to have faith. Whatever faith looks like for you, God, Allah, Brother Rock, Buddah whomever you believe in that is greater than you. If They are calling you to something it doesn’t matter who is in your corner.

When you start to work in your purpose you will find the right people will enter your life at the right time. For my wedding I was able to support, and receive support from a woman I have known since high school. As a wife, I have connected with women who previously we would not have talked, and even in business I have been blessed with a phenomenal mastermind group. All of these women entered my life in due time so while I love me Drake, I am not a fan of no new friends.

Side note I gave my son the approval he needed. I wanted him to know he could venture out and I would support him. I did not want him to touch the rail, it was wet. But I wanted him to know some adventure is good and mommy will always support him, even if I disagree.

So let me encourage you whatever your dream is chase it down like your life depends on it. In some cases, it does. Are you truly going to be happy at that 9-5? Will you ever find happiness in that relationship you know deep down is going nowhere? You have the power to create your own happiness if you chose to.