marriage rules

3 Reasons why Comparing makes you Lose!

The fastest way to make yourself miserable is to look at what other's are doing. Their life will always look better than yours if you are looking at the phone and they are living their life. We live in a world where people’s lives are literally at our fingertips. Don’t think so? Scroll through anyone’s Facebook Feed. You will know when they met their boo, how and when he proposed when they got married, pregnant, and every fight in between. Of course, there is always an exception I have a friend who waited a year before she “debuted” her daughter on Facebook.

With so much exposure we have a front row seat to anyone's life we want.  We see the bags, trips, cars, and if we are real enough to admit it we want it for ourselves. There is nothing wrong with wanting more the issue starts when you compare and covet what others have. If we are not careful we can start to want their relationship too. We see what their partner is doing for them, what they bought, how they said they were beautiful even though they gained weight then silently and slowly we begin to think their version of the love is the only version.

We get mad at what we have at home believing our love life is supposed to be like what we see on the gram. The sad thing is we never consider any differences. We don't stop to look at how long they have been together, is he taking her on vacation because he got caught with his side chick, the difference in bank accounts, or anything else.

We stop remembering all the things that make our relationship special because we are too busy looking at others. In the past, I shared with a friend that I did not want a man I had to cook Thanksgiving meals every single day so being true to me I got a man who did not require that. On the flip side, one of my friends cooks daily and from scratch. If I were to base my relationship on hers I would be failing as a wife, and my husband would be miserable. Every relationship is different and we have to learn to appreciate what makes our relationship special. When you constantly compare your relationship to others you lose in major ways.

You get stuck so you don’t produce. You are so busy worrying what others are doing and how they are posting on Instagram you are unable to focus on your own relationship. You cannot be a good wife if you are trying to force your man to fit a mold that some other woman made. It doesn’t matter if someone else’s husband has them all over there social media, your husband may not be into that. So by demanding he subscribes to someone else’s standards you will mess up what is working for you and cause unnecessary arguments. If he has never paraded you on his social media why are you asking him to start now? The woman who is on her husband’s social media may be missing something in her relationship that your husband does on a regular.

You are coveting an ending when you have no idea what it took to get there and if you could even handle it. Sure it is all fun and games watching them take trips but what if he choked her right before they took the picture? Everyone is happy on pictures because we smile for the camera not frown for the camera.  What if the couple you are calling your relationship goals have dealt with an affair in their marriage? Do you want that too? So much could be going on behind the scenes that there is really nothing for you to be jealous of. You may want what they have now but could you have survived what they went through to get there? If you are not willing to struggle don’t envy the success.

Finally, you never know the time frame for success. There are no overnight successes. You have to put in the WERK!!!! Think about anyone who you want to be like, pick a blogger (Regina from Byregina has had how many business and blogs), singer (K. Michelle has had how many record deals, and she suffered abuse), actress (Halle Berry is gorgeous and she has had bad luck in love), your friend who got married before you (how many bad relationships did she have). Nothing happens overnight. You can’t start a committed relationship on Monday and expect it to look like your friend’s relationship when she has been married 3 years. Comparing your start to someone else’s middle will have you upset every time.

The more accesses we have to others the more important it becomes to be happy with what you have. This in no way means be complacent we should all be striving for more, however comparing and being jealous is not the way. Always remember social media is a highlight reel. It is supposed to the show the person in the best light. No one is posting their messy house or their arguments. Just because you do not see it doesn’t mean it is not there. Remember to be grateful for what you have and water your own grass to make it better.


Protecting Your Marriage

I think we often just assume people know we are married and they should respect it. I agree but how often does this really happen? How many times has a man looked at your ring and still asked if you could have “friends”. Or my favorite “is you happy”? When did it become ok to hop skip and jump all in a married persons DM’s, inbox, or text messages?

It never is ok but it seems to be happening more and more. I blame the people in the marriage. Now before you get mad and click off my site let me explain. No one is responsible for your marriage except the two people in it. It was the two people in the marriage who made the vow to be in the marriage and honor it. We are unable to control others but we can control how we react to them, and the general vibe we put out there in the world.

Here are some ways to help you protect your marriage:

  • Defend your spouse even when they are wrong in public- Now when you two get in the car tell them they are wrong to prevent the same thing from happening, but you should always look like a united front to the world.
  • Set boundaries.- We live in a world where everyone has soooo much access to one another, hello social media. When we post pictures, tweets, and status updates people believe they know us. If someone crosses a line let them no and if they continue to do it cut them off. It is that easy. Know should ever think if they called you they could have you. This includes setting boundaries with your family!
  • Keep certain things only between you two. Everyone does not need to know all the intimate workings of your marriage. I understand we all have that one married friend we vent to when needed but even she should not know everything.
  • Be honest and upfront with your spouse about everything.- You never want your spouse to be the second person to hear the news. No one should ever be able to tell your spouse something about you they don’t already know.

There are so many other ways to protect your marriage but this post could get too long. How are some ways you protect your marriage?