It really is ok to Level Up!

ciara and russell

So a comment was made by a celebrity (Ciara this week), and folks are all up in arms. I am not 100% sure what the fuss is about. From what I have read she simply expressed her truth. She noted after she leveled up, started to look to God more, and really love herself the right man came along. This is her experience and who are we to take that from her. Before you all start the eye-rolling keep reading... I think the issue is because she said  “level up” and get the love you deserve. People seem to be super in their feelings because of the words level up. Even one of my friends said she took the comment as if you are single you have no standards. So it got me thinking…

Why are we so consumed with every thought a celebrity has? Sure they are in the light and people look to them and they decided to be in the spotlight but we are all responsible for our own actions. Just because she believes in leveling up you don’t have to.They are human just like the rest of us, and if your homegirl disagreed with you would you drag her like some do celebrities? Just my thoughts…

Let’s talk about leveling up. If I am correct it means to get your shit together in all areas of your life. This will look different for everyone. Some will lose weight, start their business, get a deeper relationship with God, carry crystals with you, start reading more books, whatever it is we all can agree it is an improvement on your life. So don’t you want to level up? Or is complacency the new in thing? When we apply for jobs we never say ok I'm entry level and I am good with this for life. I have arrived. No, we get in to learn the ropes and start looking for a raise, promotion, or the next job.

I read some comments saying she is using her marriage as a tool or weapon and I was again confused. #Howsway All she was saying, or how I interpreted it was once you focus on you, and get clear about what you want you can attract it. After you get so into you and realize what it is you actually want you will be able to waste less time with men who mean you no good. I know for me I wasted time and dated losers because I was dating to be dating at one time in my life. I didn’t really know what I wanted so I ended up not getting much of anything if you catch my drift. We can all agree like attracts like so why not improve yourself. The new and improved you will undoubtedly attract more than a man. You will get the bougie girlfriends you wished you had, the promotion you have been dreaming about, or even attract the client to your business because you have now become an improved version of our self. What is wrong with that?

Let me tell you a story… When I met my husband I was a single mom of one, working as a therapist (my previous dream job). I lived on my own and was doing my thing. Admittedly I was more together on paper than I was internally but I was actively working on it. So I guess at the time I met him I was like mid glow up lol (although I am sure that was not the term those years ago). The point is I was in a good place, and working daily to be better. THAT IS WHAT ATTRACTED THE MAN TO ME. For us, regular degular folks life ain't always peaches and cream. So what married minded man wants to marry a girl he has t fix up or who is bringing nothing to the table, not even a plate? Because if the shoe was on the other foot while women are more likely to go for the fixer-upper we are not setting out looking for him. We want a man with his ish together. We want the security that comes with a stable man.

I got off topic...Prior to my self-proclaimed glow up I was attracting broken men, with no jobs, mommy issues, emotional abusers, egos bigger than the Beyonce song, and all other foolery. I was attracting them because I was broken. I was vibrating so low that is what I picked up.  Did I need to level up? Hell yes! Is that the sole reason I got married? Nope, but it damn sure helped. I was happy and whole when I got married. I was not looking for anyone to love me because I loved and still love me. In fact, I was happy to just be me with my child. I had spent so much time dating idiots I decided to date me, and the moment I became ok with me things changed. I walked away from my job (I went back, but with a raise lol making just under what a LCSW makes without a license and in case you are not a counselor and not familiar with non-profits that's a big damn deal!). Nope, life has not been perfect but it has steadily been getting better. I have setbacks but I come out ahead because I glowed up.

So no this is not me using my life as a weapon or shaming tool. This is me telling you if I can do it, the girl who was pregnant at 19 by the way ole boy the sperm donor straight walked away you can too!!!!! I have been through so much and we all have a story to tell but unless you level up in some way your story is going to stay the same and we both know you don’t want that. Leveling up is not all about a man because some of my smartest most successful girlfriends don’t even see marriage as an accomplishment. However to live a life you love whether working a 9-5, being a housewife, having a side hustle, walking the red carpet, whatever it is will require you to level up. How will you level up today?

5 Ways to Make Time... When There is NO TIME!

The life of a wife and mom is… well busy (that is probably the understatement of the year).Reports are due, spreadsheets to create, not to mention the special project you volunteeredwork, soccer practice in the rain, doctor’s appointment for one or all of the children, dinner, lunches need to be packed, oh crap no clean socks, laundry to do, and I am sure I am forgetting something (of course I am).

The constant struggle of getting it all done. You know the hamster in the wheel feeling, it can’t only be me. If it is oh well it is not anymore! Like a ton if bricks I got sick and tired. Tired of always feeling late, like I was missing something, or just behind the curve in general. So here is how I made time when there was no time.

Wake up earlier.

There really is no way around it as the woman you are responsible for more than the other members of your house. Think about it when people come to visit and the place is messy who do they judge? When the babies fall down and get hurt who do they run to? Who does the school call first? Who does hubby look to when he needs to know what’s on his day, or where his tie is? It is all you wifey. In order to get a jump start on the madness sacrifice some sleep. Even if you get up and ONLY do stuff for yourself at least its done. Besides by the time the house wakes up you will be ready and not struggling to gather your thoughts and searching for coffee.  

Get organized.

Get a binder, calendar, agenda, pen and paper something! Do whatever works for you. You should not be simply running through life with no plan. I use this daily docket sheet. I know ish happens and things rarely go as planned but you still need one. Also get some organization in your home. If its morning you do not need to be looking in the refrigerator for clean socks (lol I was running late with no sleep). Know where your crap is so you don’t lose time looking for it.

Plan your time

The calendar or paper I told you to get write out a schedule. If you make a plan stick to it. Be selfish with your time because it is the one thing you can never get back. Dani, from Ok Dani talks about planned procrastination. I know it sounds odd but it really works. Look up and an hour or so has passed you do not have to feel guilty because you built it into your schedule. If you are on my email list, first thank you, but second you will be receiving a free printable of the daily to do sheet I use. If you are not on my list shame on you subscribe now, its on the side bar.

Do things at night

This has been a life saver for me. When the little ones go to bed, and if I am good while they are still awake I get ready for the next day. For example my 11 year old has soccer practice on Tuesday and Thursday and I also run/jog/ walk around the track. Now this means I need a diaper bag, and a gym bag along with everything else I already have. I could easily run in and try to pack it but that would simply put us more behind schedule so I pack it at night. This means I run home, grab the 11 year old both bags because they are packed and we are back out the door. Also laying out clothes, packing lunches and such all that is done at night so the morning runs smoother.

Give yourself a break

Listen, you are not the lady on Pinterest. The lady on Pinterest is not the lady on Pinterest. Stop comparing yourself to her. She is showing you her best stuff. You will have bad days. You will run late. The baby will puke on your clothes that you picked out the night before. It is ok to mess up sometimes you just dust yourself off and try again (*try again, again… in my AAliyah voice- if you don’t get that reference you may be to young… or old).

Do you use a planner? How do you manage your time?