3 Reasons why You are Still Single


I have been married almost three years now, and contrary to popular belief I did not marry the first man to ask me. I also did not marry the man with the biggest engagement ring. Now was I intentional in my dating? Yes. Was I honest with potential mates about what I wanted and where I was in my life? Absolutely. Without honesty we end up wasting a lot of time.

There was no need in me dating a guy who did not like children because I have a daughter. There was no reason for me to date the divorced guy who said he never wanted to get married again because I wanted to get married. I could go on and on about who I didn’t waste my time with but you get it.            

The point is with everything in life you need to be intentional, and go after what you want. The assumption is you know what you want. You have to know what you want so you recognize it when it arrives. I know women have that proverbial list, he must be this, that, and the other but please do not get too caught up in the list. It is great to have standards but you do not want to be too limiting. How sad will you be if you miss your man because he was 6 foot even and not 6’1? Besides most women I know who are happily married did not marry their type, or what could be considered their list guy.

What is crucial is to identify what is important to you as well as identify your deal breakers. For some women they want a man with a lot of money so they can live the fabulous life and be a socialite, while other women want their man to be home with them by 7pm. Here is where you have to determine which is more important and what is a deal breaker for you.  In most cases a man with a lot of money is not going to have as much time to spend with you as a guy making an average income. He is working to make his money and may not work traditional hours.

Assuming you have taken the time to determine what it is you want in a relationship you have to then date a guy who is able to give what you say it is you want. . A friend of mine always tells me she wants the kind of relationship her parents have. This is great because they seem to really be in love. The issue is the guy she dates is nothing like her father. He is disrespectful, a liar, and not a very good father to his child, if we are being honest. How can she ever get what her parents have with him?

No ring, ceremony, or amount of sex is going to make him to the person she wants him to be. So if she stays with him she will be able to say she is in a relationship but she won’t have what she says it is she wants, a relationship like her parents. What I am not here for is 30 year old women saying there are no good men. The truth is it might be you. Here are three reasons you are still single. 

You are chasing the unavailable. 

When a man says he does not want to be married, in a relationship, or that he is already in a relationship keep it moving. He is unavailable. Even if he sleeps with you, and texts you sweet nothings he is emotionally unavailable. I know you watch Power and you are thinking wait a minute Angela got Ghost, but did she really? Think about the episode their relationship is super tense, and they only seem connected lying in bed. She questions his every move, and I am sure they do not really trust each other. So no she didn’t win either. In the words of the great Maya Angelou “When someone shows you who they are believe them.”

You are not what you want.

If you want a boss, be a boss. I don’t understand why women think it is ok to be a minimum wage worker, then demand a guy be making six or seven figures before she will even say hi to him. It is as if you are frowning upon the minimum wage worker which means you are silently frowning upon yourself. People are attracted to people like them. Where does the guy making 6 figures go and meet the woman who is making minimum wage? She cannot afford to be at the Mayor’s ball, and he is probably not at the juke joint. Sure it works differently on tv and there is always that friend of a friend who is the exception. However, I am speaking to the majority.

You have no standards.

A standard is a level of quality, or an idea or thing used as a measure. Simply put a standard is what you require in order for a man to date you. Do you require he love God, have a car, treat you with respect? What must he do before you feel he is worthy of your time? This is your standard. Now some men will fall short, and we as women are tempted to stay and “save him” or give him a second chance, but while we are wasting time with him we are missing out on someone who will exceed those standards. Get some standards a man needs to perform at a certain level to be in your life. If you accept anything, and allow him to treat you any kind of way he will do just that. We teach people how to treat us, and if you teach people that you allow disrespect, then there is no reason for them to treat you better.

Bonus- You are mean!

The world is a rough place. People are struggling, with societal and economic issues The last thing a man wants is to come home to, or have to call a mean negative woman. Women we are man’s peace so don’t bring him pain. 

Don't worry if you feel like you do not fit not one of these categories, I will be back with more! The post had to end right?? Tell me why you think you are single?