making love

3 Ways to Feel Sexy No Matter What

3 Ways to Feel Sexy No Matter What

When it is time to “get sexy” most people think of the normal lingerie and heels. I think sexy starts with a mindset. You can be a size 0 and if you are not happy with this no pair of heels or thong will make this better. On the flip side you can be a 20 and if you are confident you can rock a teddy with some heels with no worries.Write here...

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Do you remember when you could set the scene with your man and make love all day or at least for hours undisturbed if you wanted to? Those were the good ole days. Then you two wanted to see your love come to life and you had children. I know you love them but did I bet you had no idea what a major blow your sex life would take. I believe they have a secret sense that tells them when mommy and daddy want to be alone and it energizes them so they are able to stay awake way past bed time. Maybe it is just my children, but if I so much as sit next to the MR. on the couch they get excited and immediately want to sit with us. For real my kids are the biggest haters alive, but again we love them dearly.

There have been nights I had some things planned for my husband and I but my son, whom I love dearly, REFUSED to go to sleep. The one thing different this night was I had mentally planned some adult time. If you have children, you know the routine by the time we wrestled with him and repeated the bed time routine over and over again we were too tired to do anything more than sleep. Then there was the time I bought strawberries and chocolate sauce and came home to my 11 year old having a nice snack. It was like we couldn’t catch a break.

If you know me you know I believe in the art of the quickie. Sometimes you just need to knock the edge off. Quickies are much needed especially for the busy couple with children. Sometimes you need that rush before the babies come banging the door down. I even did a Periscope about it once a while back. Still, if I am being honest with myself I LOVE the long drawn out romance of slow no rush no kids love making session.

Since it is love month I thought I would help you get some ideas together. We are going to make a love making kit! Now, before we get started there is some pre work that MUST be done. You have to find a baby sitter. I would advise getting an overnight sitter. You don’t want to rush the magic because you have to get your kids at a certain time. If you have to pay someone do it, it will be money well spent.

Also let me give you a slight disclaimer. I am a firm believer you don’t have to wait for a holiday to dial up the romance. While this post is inspired by Valentine’s Day you can use this info on any day.  

Ok on to the supplies, oh and don’t worry about printing this post I have a made cool download for you at the end.


You want to create a visually pleasing environment. Make sure the house is clean. You do not want to trip on blocks and Tonka toys trying to handle business. Start with candles; I know all about being on a budget but candles really are a dollar. Use that couch and car change and get you some candles. Something about the flicker of the flame creates a nice scene. Your attire is next. No matter what size every woman has that one thing that makes them feel like a million bucks put that on. Then get you something equally as nice for underneath. If you are shy or conservative go with black. Feeling adventurous wear his favorite colors. It will automatically excite him. If there is food or drinks (which I highly recommend) involved make sure you set the scene nicely. Arrange things so they are easy to get to and appeasing to the eye. Go ahead and use your nice wine glasses (these can also be bought for one dollar at the dollar tree), pull out that fancy ice bucket someone gave you and you never thought you would use it. Think about this way, when you see a red solo cup what is your mood? I instantly think party time, like good ole college time party. Now think wine glass, what do you think now? Visuals are very important when setting the mood. Remember we are going the extra mile tonight because the kids are gone.


The music lets him know it is real.  I believe on the movie Brown Sugar they called it the get the draws mix tape lol. Whatever you call you do not play like you don’t have one.  We all have that CD somewhere. Find it or make a new one and get the tunes going. The right song will get the mood going quicker. Let me insert here if you make a new tape include your power song. The song that makes you want to make love. When you hear it you instantly start doing a sexy body roll. I have a few and they are spaced out on my playlist. A couple of them are Dance for you- Beyonce, and Best Part of My Day- Urban Mystic, oh and Music for Love- Mario. Side note my frat brother, the infamous DJ Bell makes a nice list he calls "No Strings Attached". You can get his latest installment here. Disclaimer, music can bring on strong emotions. Do not play a song that makes you or him think of someone else, or a hard time in your life, it can kill the mood.


They say food can be a major aphrodisiac and I agree. I am not talking steak and potatoes I mean strawberries, fruits, icing, sauces. No not hot sauce. More like chocolate or caramel sauce. Wine, champagne whatever you like. I like red wine. I really enjoy Henny on ice if I am being honest. There is no right and wrong. It is all about you and him. If you like beer use that too. For non-drinkers use water or juice. It is all about you and your mate and enjoying time together. Just remember to use the wine glasses even if it is water. This is all about the main event, so whatever food and drinks are present are all intended to get ready for the main event.


I love when my husband touches me. Except sometime he randomly touches my face and it catches me off guard, well that is a different topic. I also know he loves when my body is hairless. So if that is what your man likes as well get to shaving or using Nair or whatever you do to get the body hair off. I like to double lotion especially after I shave, because my skin is dry and when he does rub my body I want to be ultra smooth. Double lotion, I use regular lotion and then baby oil gel. My skin, again is super dry so the extra lotion is needed. Depending on your budget go ahead and get a mani pedi it will only boost your confidence, and when you feel confident it shows in the bedroom.  If funds are an issue do it yourself. Scrub those heels so they are not scratching him. Also depending on what you are into get some oils for a nice massage.


I personally like lavender. It has a calming sense about it. You want to make sure the aroma in your home is inviting. You could also kill two birds with getting scented candles but don’t go too cheap here or the candles may stink. Also this is where things have potential to get tricky. Remember on the episode of Living Single when Sinclair and Overton were finally going to have sex and everything went all wrong? Well if you did not see it the point is she got new perfume and he was allergic and she had to wash her neck. Her neck was wet the mood was off and well you don’t want to be like this. So do not have a house scent that clashes with your body scent. Or just get unscented candles and use the perfume he loves on you.

Now I have helped you set the mood and you have stimulated all 5 senses. The rest is on you. Need a little extra help? I suggest reading a Zane book, knocking back a shot of your favorite spirit and going for it. Hey you are married so whatever you two do it is all good. Remember this is only a guide do what you two like. You know your person better than I do. This is meant to get your creative ideas flowing, and help you and your spouse have a great night, or several great nights.

As promised you can sign up to get your checklist here. Enjoy!